The Demon of Jealousy
by Soror Kieja 115
At NORKAOS '93 I attended a workshop on Sex-Magick run by Fra.
Fellatio 69. In a ritual-like situation, participants were asked
to invoke one of their own sex-demons (such as jealousy,
possessiveness, etc.) by visualizing a situation in which such a
demon would pop into action. We were asked to concentrate mainly
on the physical sensations aroused by visualizing the situation
(clenched muscles, pressure, pain etc). The idea was to shift
one's awareness from emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. to bodily
sensations, and then, by means of glossolalia, create a personal
power-word that could act to jerk us out of that state (which I
experienced as rather painful) into our magical persona. The
advantage of acting from the stance of the Magical Persona
(especially in a stressful situation) is that one is 'objective'
- standing apart from the situation, instead of being caught up
in the emotional turmoil. One will have much more choices then
before, where it is easy to be caught up in automatic behavior,
where you don't have a choice of acting at all. By getting into
the Magical Persona one takes power away from the demon and is no
longer ruled and ridden by it.
In the months following NORKAOS I continued experimenting with my power-word and used it to jerk myself out of awkward feelings. I found it best to do this at the very beginning of emotional arousal, as I realized that the further I was caught in the feeling, so thoughts, emotions, imaginative projections spiral - my inner dialogue - the more the demon gets hold of me and controls the situation, so that it becomes more and more unlikely that I can use the power-word to get control of myself.
I think it is important, when doing this, to be aware of typical thoughts, feelings and sensations that relate to a particular demon; to what triggers it and how it builds up. If I know the symptoms, it is easier to take action, and if I know the points of the loop, it is easier to break out of it. If I know the face of a demon (even if it's only a foreshadowing of it), I can recognize it and stop it. Or, I can make a deal with it - use it's power and transform it into something which is more useful to me, and the demon will no longer torment me.
I found the Detect the Symptoms - Take Action technique very useful for dealing with depression (or rather, for preventing it).
An interesting (but also quite annoying) phenomena I found was
that after I'd been working with a particular demon for a while,
and 'came to grips' with it, it wouldn't bother me any more in
situations it used to, but seemed to alter it's shape
(personality) and would appear in a totally different area.
The Dynamics of Jealousy
(a) Feeling insecure, fearful, vulnerable, invisible.
(b) I don't want other people to know I'm feeling jealous, so -
(c) I act as though I'm totally all right, but actually
feeling horrible - so reinforcing the state further.
(a) I realize I'm feeling jealous
(b) I begin getting angry with myself for my stupidity - start putting myself down
(c) I begin to realize that it is I'm getting jealous about -
this is rather an analytical state rather than emotional turmoil.
Anger turns to self-motivation to change the situation myself,
to a point where I am happy with myself/the situation.
I found that jealousy can be a very powerful motivation for
action and change.
Procedures for coping with Jealousy
2) Power-Word (see above)
3) Asking your personal power animal for advice
4) Ganesha Pathworking
There is a story in Hindu myth concerning Shiva and Parvati playing with their two sons, Ganesha and Kartikeya. They had been given a fruit by the gods and both the sons wanted it. Shiva and Parvati explained that the fruit contained the Nectar of supreme knowledge and immortality, and since they both wanted it, the one who circled the world three times and came back first would receive it as a prize.
Another version of the story has it that Kartikeya and Ganesha held the race in order to win two beautiful Shaktis, Ridolth (Wealth) and Siddhi (Success).
In both stories, Kartikeya mounts his vehicle, the peacock, and flies into space, circling the world. Ganesha knows that he can never beat Kartikeya this way, since he is heavy, and his vehicle, the mouse, can only carry him slowly.
His solution is to walk around his parents Shiva and Parvati
three times, with great devotion. When asked why he has done
this, he replies that Shiva and Parvati are the whole world and
that he need go no further. He wins the prize.
This story can be used as a pathworking or dream-journey, when
one is feeling jealous, especially of the accomplishments,
success, talents, virtues, etc of other people, and one is
feeling insufficient and negative about onself.
5) Place a crystal in front of an image of Ganesha (or any
other personal God/dess), when feelings of jealousy (or any other
unwanted state) occurs, and transfer the state into the crystal,
filtering and transforming the feeling, and offer it to the God
as a sacrifice.
6) Invocation of Ganesha into one's belly, filling your belly with energy and pumping that energy throughout your body, particularly any tense areas, and transforming bodily sensations into pleasurable ones.